I’ve been thinking about the things that solidified my relationship with D. When I started to realize I could spend my life with this cool person. When we first started dating, we had a great honeymoon period: so much to laugh about, adventures to go on, and things to learn about each other. It was fun and romantic, and a whirlwind – until reality set in and we realized we were real people, with things like communication and trust to work on, and insecurities to lay to rest, and compromising to learn.
When we actively committed to doing those things though our relationship went through a few phases from:
fun and flighty
kind of raw and overpowering
balanced and healthy, and then, back to fun.
Growing up together these past 3.5 years hasn’t always been easy, but we have learned so much about who we are and what we are looking for; from ourselves, each other, and life in general, and I hope we don’t ever stop. Here are just a few things that I saw in our relationship that made me realize we had hit that good place that might resonate with you as well:
- You are strong individual people, who work at being a powerful and balanced couple.
- There is no room for toxicity, manipulation, or mistrust
- Your partner’s steady hand works authentically beside your own.
- Becoming a “we,” does not take away from either, “me.”
- You can make your partner a priority without compromising yourself.
- You expect and in return give, a love built on respect, values, and support.
- Your partner revolutionizes your world; from surprisingly little ways to life-altering impactful ones.
- Memories of togetherness, forgiveness when needed, and commitment to your future strengthen you and your relationship.
- Friendship is key, laughter is often and communication is swift and evolving.
- Forgiveness comes more easily than you’d expect.
- You win or lose, together as a team.
- The small things and the difficult times empower you as a couple.
- Through it all, you want to be the one beside them day in, and day out.
At the end of the day, a relationship is what you make of it. Everyone knows they are not always easy, and they shouldn’t be – people mature and grow with challenges and no two relationships are the same, regardless of how similar. I full heartedly believe that we often need to learn lessons the hard way and that was certainly the case in our love story. I don’t regret one chapter of it.
I’ll leave you with a note by Jane Wells, Marriage Advice from 1886 that has always stood out to me:
Let your love be stronger than your hate or anger.
Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend a little than to break.
Believe the best rather than the worst.
People have a way of living up or down to your opinion of them.
Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship. The person you choose to marry is deserving of the courtesies and kindnesses you bestow on your friend.